Giving up God for Lent

What are you giving up for Lent? 

As we approach the festival of Easter, we aim to experience something of what Jesus felt on the Cross. In his cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” God confesses the absence of God.

…let the atheists themselves choose a god. They will find only one divinity who ever uttered their isolation; only one religion in which God seemed for an instant to be an atheist.” G.K. Chesterton

During Lent, we will expose ourselves to some of the great atheist critics of religion, in order to purge ourselves of a faith in which doubt is bad and God is used as a crutch to cope with the uncertainties and hardships of life.

In the process, we hope to discover a richer faith in which our experiences of the absence of the presence of God are recognised and remembered.

atheism for Lent graphic

a 6-week Course exploring what it might mean to 

give up God for Lent

The above lines were taken from Peter’s course intro – apologies if I’m infringing on any copyright laws.

The point is that I’m giving up God for Lent. Or for those without my slightly twisted sense of humor … I’m giving up my limited understanding of God for Lent OR I’m letting go of the idols of God I’ve created over the years for Lent because I need to. Idols weigh the soul, mind and body down, so I’m trying to lay whatever I can aside, with God’s help, so I can walk more freely the pilgrimage that lays ahead.

Lord I find you in the seeking

Lord I find you in the doubt

 

 

Last time I posted I was giving up God for Lent, publically announcing doing the course “Atheism for Lent” with Peter Rollins and company, I took it down after 2 days, because Linda, my partner through marriage, said that it was too provocative for the season we were in. Last week she freed (retired) me from some of my self imposed limits by re-piercing my ear … a symbol of my concession to Christians who may not understand body piercing – like my dad who, in his honest appraisal of his eldest son’s jewelry said, “Why would you take the mark of the homo, son?” Apologies to any who might be offended by his statement. He died almost 18 years ago and I’d like to think he now has a broader understanding about many things, probably chatting it up with all the LGBTQ+ folk enjoying God’s presence – however that works. I’m looking forward to reuniting with him, but I digress. But hey, it’s my blog so I can go where I want…thank you very much, but I digress.

Some other good words from the facilitators’ booklet, pg. 5 – “Since ‘religion can hide from us as nothing else can the face of God,’ (Ikon, “The God Delusion: Where does your faith lie?,” Greenbelt Arts Festival, Aug 26 2007.) we attempt through this “Atheism for Lent” Course a careful self-examination, to perhaps discover a richer faith beyond an instrumental religion of immediate self-interest.” “By exploring the theological dimension of atheism, we will discover how it can offer a type of exorcism powerful enough to cast out any festering fundamentalism lurking within our souls.” 

AMEN – I say, in my most Pentecostal voice. Who wouldn’t want any festering cast out … especially a spirit of fear. I’d much rather live with a spirit of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I’m still asking for grace to live out of that power, love and sound mindedness – hope springs eternal. This stuff does get pretty heady and soulful in a wonderful Spirit-led way.

After this short walk with friends like Peter Rollins and company, l’m also looking forward to learning things that will help me experience / know the Holy One more deeply – soul, body, mind (in that order) Or as Richard of Chichester prayed in the 13th century and the 5th Dimension sang in 1973:

Day by day

Day by day

Oh Dear Lord

Three things I pray

To see thee more clearly

Love thee more dearly

Follow thee more nearly

Day by day

 

May all our Lenten journey’s be fulfilling and challenging as mine is shaping up to be.

Buen Camino – the pilgrimage continues.

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Lent 2018 – Heart Healing

Lent 2018 – Heart Healing

During Lent this year Linda and I are reading the meditations of Edward Hays in his The Lenten Pharmacy; Daily Healing Therapies (Ava Maria Press, 2006). Hays reminds us that lent18a
saviour comes from the Greek word soter,  meaning “healer.” “The gospels relate how Jesus as a saviour-healer tended sicknesses of body and soul. To say that Jesus is my saviour primarily means that he is my healer, physician and pharmacist.” (LP, 5)  On Ash Wednesday he reminds us that the “ashes are also an ageless remedy for sickly prayer. Praying from such a position of humility (lying in the dust of ones death-rest) heals the soul – just as it did for the tax collector. God, be merciful to me, a sinner! Luke 18:13” (LP, 8)

Until recently it’s been quite difficult for me to say “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” I hope that most of that resistance was because of my soul knowing that God loves me just the way I am; “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” I also believe that God wants me to be whole, saved, healed. God has began a good work in me before birth (created in image of God…divine spark…original blessing and all that). Through God’s grace I experience that healing love on nearly a daily basis. I also experience how deep my need for ongoing healing is, nearly on a daily basis. Maybe saying that I’m a sinner felt almost like a denial of the healing that God’s unconditional love is doing in my soul and body. Maybe when I said those words I returned to those feelings of believing I was alent18c dirty rotten failure, or to the “killjoy, finger-wagging, holier-that-thou moralism, with afussy, nit-picking concentration on small personal misdemeanours (DRB, 97)” idea of sin I grew up with.

 

It’s interesting that my awareness of God’s acceptance and healing makes it much easier to believe that God’s rule of love has come and change my mind; to say “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” I’ve always known I’m a sinner but now it seems easier to say sorry for missing the purpose for what I was created,as N. T. Wright so wisely puts it. “Humans were made to be  “image-bearers,” to reflect the praises of creation back to the Creator and to reflect the Creator’s wise and loving stewardship into the world. Humans are made to worship the God who created them in his own image and so to be sustained and renewed in that image-bearing capacity. Those who do this are formed by this activity to become the generous, humble stewards though whom God’s creative and sustaining love is let loose into the world. Humans and Israel alike have turned aside from that purpose, distorted the vision and abused their vocation.” (DRB, 99)

Wright’s understanding of where I miss the mark and why I need to stay true to the image I was created in – sounds different than “turn or burn”. We need to hear his wisdom about “what the early Christians meant when they said that the Messiah had died “for our sins in accordance with the Bible. (DRB, 99)” His understanding of sin, gives me something to work towards, not only stuff to avoid or feel shamed about. It gives me hope which I never heard from those early condemning religious voices in my life. I’m sure they thought they were doing God and me a favour by pointing out my mistakes and how big a disappointment I was to God as I rejected all that Jesus did for me by smoking or listening to rock and roll. There must have been some mention of forgiveness, mercy, grace and love in there somewhere, but all I remember is those loud voices which crushed my sensitive heart and soul. The saddest thing is that those voices quickly became my own. No wonder I got depressed. What could I do??!! You get told you’re a failure enough times you believe it and feel shitty. No wonder you avoid those voices and decide to screw it all. I remember thinking “If I’m a total failure at being good enough to serve God then what’s left – serving the devil, I guess.” That didn’t work out very well, believe me.

The Good News of Jesus the Christ is that God loves me no matter how much I miss the mark of being who God created me to be; whether intentionally back then or less intentionally now.  I am very grateful and humbled by the love that gentle but firmly invites me to be a “generous, humble steward through who God’s creative and sustaining love is let loose into the world.” (DRB, 100) I actually believe that’s a possibility. Thanks be to God.

I sense a wry grin

When I sin, no lighting crash

Come let us reason

Now I’m “…swimming in an ocean of love…” https://youtu.be/CNaJFHufWks

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Retirement announcement

Greetings to those reading this blog after my years of silence. You may have seen most of this announcement if you follow me on Tweet or Facebook but I’ve edited it for here. It is sort of a follow up to the Camino ones – it’s where my pilgrimage has taken me to, so far.  I announced that I retired on December 1/17 and leaving permanent employment at Grace Bible Church on January 31/18.

GBC kids poster

Other than not working at GBC and changing my Facebook status – not a whole lot will actually change in my life … still married to my best friend, living in the same place with the same phone number and email address. I’ll still be meeting with folk for one-to-one spiritual companioning (spiritual direction – http://spiritualdirection.ca/spiritual-directors/) and continue to be an on-call spiritual care provider at Health Science Centre (one of Winnipeg’s largest hospitals) for the forseeable future.

The main thing I’m looking forward to in my retirement is having more time to contemplate the love and grace of the Creator of the universe through silence, meditation and however Spirit comes. I have come to understand that listening is my vocation so having more time to listen and reflect on what I hear will be me being me more. I’m also looking forward to having more time to continue creating beauty through stained glass. One of my stained glass artist friends encouraged me, “the world needs more beauty; so just make stuff, Stephen.” I will joyfully live into her retirement advice. I’ll also have more time to share what I hear from Spirit here @listenwiththeearofyourheart – eventually. There will be an adjustment period but God is gracious and I will be calling on my retired friends for more advice.

I began considering retiring a few months ago after a conversation with Linda. We were talking, and she said “I’m planning on retiring when I’m 62 – you’re 62 now, why don’t you retire. We’re OK for money, so retire.” I don’t think I’d really considered retiring before – I’m only 62. However now I’m convinced that Linda’s invitation – was God’s way to get me thinking, praying, talking to counsellors and friends (including a deeply meaningful clearing committee – thanks Parker Palmer) about retiring. After letting the board at GBC know my intention to resign, they did me the favor of suggesting January 31 as the date to end employment with them. My life story now includes the lessons Spirit taught me through the joy and the challenges  I experienced at Grace Bible Church. You may read some of those lessons here as I listen to my heart and there may even be some pics. It was part of my spiritual pilgrimage after all.

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The process of retiring has been an interesting process and I won’t get into any more detail other than sharing one experience which delights my heart and soul whenever I recall it. It was a gift I was given when talking to my EAP counsellor about retiring. I can’t remember his question but as I thought about my answer – I looked out his office window at Polo Park Mall, one of the larger shopping malls in Winnipeg. I envisioned it – full of stores, offices and food outlets – being a metaphor of my life, full of options and opportunities. I sensed the Creator of everything excitedly inviting me to explore those opportunities, together. It was an invitation – not a command I needed to respond to out of duty or to accomplish something or buy anything. Rather it was a personal, enthusiastic invitation to discover who Stephen could be as a retired guy. How exciting is that going to be. O YEAH. Part of me wonders if that invitation and opportunities have always been there but I was able to hear it in a new way and it energized my mind, body, soul and spirit.  The pilgrimage continues. Thanks be to God.

 

 

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Day 15 to Santiago de Compostala- Day 18

Day 15- Monday, October 26 – We got a ride back to Arzua from Assumpta Tourism Rural and walked to Salceda / Touriso Salceda.

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Day 16- Tuesday, October 27
Woke up to rain in Salceda. Hung around until it stopped and took a chance and started walking to O Pedrouzo / Pensionne a Solaina. Grateful that rain held off.

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Day 17 – Wednesday, October 28. Again woke to rain but again it stopped before we left Pedrouzo / Pensionne a Solaina and we walked to Labacolla / Hotel Garcas – only 9kms. from Santiago. It was good to get rested and cleaned up for our final walk.

Day 18 – Thursday, October 29 – last day walking the Camino. Labacolla to Santiago de Compostela / San Martin Pinario – mostly in rain. Soaked but joyful to arrive at destination- the cathedral and last hotel on this part of life’s pilgrimage.

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This is a tired Linda in the lobby of our Santiago de Compostala hotel, a converted monastery. I have a great video of that giant incense burner in the cathedral and Linda’s posted other pictures on Facebook.

Our Camino was over but our Spain adventure continued. Linda & I spent 3 nights in Finisterre – the furthest west you can go in Spain-the end of the world for ancient Celts. I posted this before we saw the sunset from Mar de Fora – the beach north of the town – check Linda’s Facebook for those pics and/or take me out for brekky when we are back in Winnipeg next week. Last pic – at 00.0kms with Faro de Fisterra – the Western most lighthouse in Europe and Atlantic Ocean in background. Despite poor exposure our joy and satisfaction is obvious. Thanks be to God for a great time.

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Day -12,13,14, more of the same…yet

Day 12- Friday, October 23
From Portomarin / Albergue El Caminante we walked 17.2 kms. to Airexe / Pensione Eirexe – 73km from Santiago. Many of the stamps are now recording how far from Santiago we are, so I thought I would too.

Potomarin was next to a deep river valley which meant we had a steep climb when we left in the morning – one of many up and downs this day – great opportunities to live into present.

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Day 13- Saturday, October 24
At Airexe / Pensione Eirexe – (73km) we woke up to rain and walked to Palas de Rei (69) in light drizzle. Getting wet -especially our shoes which take long to dry – is no fun so we got a ride in an Audi to Melide / Hotel Carlos 96 (55). We wandered Melide and sampled some local delicacies – octopus & pigs ears (been there, done that & won’t do it again). We returned to the hotel where Linda exchanged feet stories with other pilgrims, a common conversation starter on the Camino.

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Day 14 – Sunday, October 25
From Melide / Hotel Carlos 96 we walked 17 kms. to Arzua (41) and then were picked up and taken to Assumpta Tourism Rural, a few kilometers out of town, where we spent the night.

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Day 7 – 11 walk on

Real day 7 – Sunday, October 18
Walked from Villafranca Del Bierzo / Albergue de la Piedra to Vega de Valcerce / Albergue Magdalena. Fine Albergue with great hospitalier, Matthew, who roasted chestnuts over an open fire for us, that evening.

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Day 8 – Monday, October 19
It was raining when we woke in Vega de Valcerce / Magdelina so we took a taxi to O Cebreiro. We hung around there for a few hours but the rain kept up so we took another taxi to Alto do Poio / Albergue Santa Maria de Poio. Not much of a walking day. Here’s what we saw all day – taken from the front door of our Albergue of the one across the street.

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Day 9 – Tuesday, October 20
Alto do Poio / Albergue Santa Maria de Poio – woke up to fog but no rain so we walked to a small bar at Meso Betularia and called another taxi (to avoid steep knee and hip damaging terrain something that’s as important to avoid as blisters – especially for bodies as seasoned as ours) to Tricastela. Walked from there, blessed by the sun to Samos / Albergue Domus Itineris.

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Day 10 – Wednesday, October 21
Walked from Samos / Domus Itineris to Saria / Cristal hotel – almost 17 kms through lovely countryside – lots of cows and valleys (that’s code for way too much up and down).

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Day 11 – Thursday, October 22
Walked from Sarria / Cristal Hotel to Mercadoiri / La bodeguina de Mercadoiri then taxied to Portomarin / Albergue El Caminante. Another long day – 18kms walking with a lot of new peregrino friends who join now it’s less then 100 kms to Santiago de Compostala.

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Day 2 – 7 The dry details

You’ll need a map  of the Camino to get the most out of this blog. It takes a long time to put together something presentable on the net. I’ve discovered that I just don’t have the time to journal,  personal reflections and blogging, public presentation of the walk,  so I’m choosing journaling  and you folk get the dry details plus a few photos which may be worth 1000 words anyway.

Each of these places have as many stories as people we met, plus our experiences getting there, staying there, and the conversations with each other.  However you folks seem to want to blog so this is what you’re getting. You’ll have to take me out for breakfast when I get back if you want those stories.

Day 2 – Tuesday, and  October 13 Day 2 – Villa Mazarife / Albergue San Antonio de Padua to Hospital de Orbigo / Albergue Verde. This was an amazing Albergue full of  peace and love and great vegetarian food.

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Wednesday October 14 Day 3 – bussed from Hospital de Orbigo to Astorga / Albergue Verde – then walked  8.7 kms. To Santa Catalina de Somaza /Albergue El Caminante

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Thursday October 15 Day 4 – walked from Santa Catalina de Somaza / Albergue El Caminante to Foncebadin / Albergue Monte Irago.  It was uphill most of the way it was quite the walk. Here’s the sunrise at Foncebadin.

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Friday, October 16 – Day 5 Took a
taxi for 10 euros each from Foncebadin / Albergue Monte Irago to Molinaseca / Albergue Santa Marina.  We first stopped at Santa Cruz and laid our burdens down then continued. The ride is a story in itself.  This is a shot of the famous bridge in Molinaseca. I’ve just discovered that the pictures are disappearing off my iPhone. This is disconcerting and hopefully they’re there somewhere.

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Saturday, October 17 – day 6 Walked from
Molinaseca to Ponferrada – 7.7kms. Then bussed from Ponferrada to Villafranca Del Bierzo to Albergue  de la Piedra.

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Walking Day 1

Monday, October 12/15 1423

We got up at 644am, used our free breafast and then we waited in the rain until 830 and then caught a bus to Virgen Del Camino. We had decided on walking to Villa Mazarife only 13.8 km., a easy first day.

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It felt good getting off the bus and putting on our packs for real. We found the yellow arrows and set off – walking the Camino. First time for  Linda and myself; day 27 for Kathy and Allen. We almost missed the way to Mazarife.  Sometimes those yellow arrows are hard to see or interpret. Other pilgrims waved to us from the right path which was to the left rather than right – which would’ve taken us to Viladangos Del Paramo. I’d read that the path to Mazarife was nicer, the other way is more on the highway.

And it was very scenic, muddy in places but it was in the country, after all. The red clay soil was quite sticky  and coloured shoes and clothes quickly. There had been a bit of rain lately and you can tell. After 3.7 kms. According to the Camino maps I have on my iPhone – we stopped for coffee at a small bar restaurant in Oncina de la Valdoncina. Nice break. Good coffe, clean bano – Spanish for bathroom,  without funny thing over the ‘n’, and the obligatory stamp. We followed the yellow arrows to Chozas de Abajo, and a nice bar with tables outside. We had picked up some groceries in Leon yesterday and so we had a good lunch of bread, cheese, ham and turkey and some fruit. Half a dozen other pilgrims came and left while we were there. “Buen Camino’s” all around and another nice stamp.

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We Have set a good pace for having good conversation or not and just e by yourself if you want. Feels good to be on the road.

It als feels good to be sitting down at albergue. We’re staying at Albergue San Antonio de Padua, Villar de Mazarife @1400ish. Walked around Mazarife. Sat in bar with a bunch of old guys (30) playing cards or dominoes. Linda and I had Vino tinto – my Spanish word of day. One old guy was very friendly – in Spanish – I felt he was genuinely interested. Didn’t understand him but I liked our brief interaction and would like to be a friendly old guy even if people don’t understand me. It’s more about my attitude. Who I am / want to be – more than how others take me.

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Thomas Merton’s words seem appropriate  for our first night on the Camino.
Be still
Listen to the stones of the wall.
Be silent, they try
To speak your
Name. …

Who (be quiet)
Are you (as these stones
Are quiet). Do not
Think of what you are
Still less of
What you may one day
be.
Rather
Be what you are (but
who?) be
The unthinkable one
You do not know.

“I will try, like them
To be my own silence:
And this is difficult. The
whole
World is secretly on fire.
The stones
Burn, even the stones

Guide me o thou great Jehovah

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Sunday, October 11/15 in Leon

Sunday, October 11/15

After a good sleep and breakfast, we all wandered over to the big cathedral. K&A paid to tour inside while Linda and I wandered around the walled part of Leon. We then met up with K&A and wandered some more, eating tapas and drinks at a couple places we happened upon. We went for supper with pilgrims K&A had met on the way – a couple from Australia, a woman from California coast and some Irish young people.

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Linda & I left them exchanging stories and went to mass and the perigrino / pilgrim blessing at the Real Basilica San Isidore – that church we first saw on Saturday afternoon.

We plan to take a bus from Leon at 8:30am to Virgen Del Camino. Then will we walk to Villa Mazarife only 13.8 km. a easy first day.

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Pilgrimage Day 2 – Barcelona, Spain

We took the Barcelona Bus Turistic – double decker bus city tours today. Great ride with commentary – seeing the sights. Good introduction to a very interesting historical city, including Gaudi’s spectacle. Walked up the La Rambia, got our train tickets for Madrid, went to supper at the same place we as last night – different food and drink but good as usual – both times.

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I’m happier than this selfie looks like…maybe my face reflects my lack of understanding at Gaudi’s project. Lots of amazing symbolism and very artful which I’m sure God appreciates.

Went into a few other churches in our wanderings – we weren’t lost, just wandering. It was a bit strange looking around like a tourist at the great architecture and stained glass windows. I’m feeling the need to take more time while “visiting” theses sacred places to find a sense of prayerfulness but then again we’re always in the presence of the Holy. True. But there’s something about intentionality that helps the soul more than philosophy. Linda commented that going into the churches and at least taking a moment – is a reminder we’re on a pilgrimage as well as a vacation – which I have a tendency to forget as I cope with a new country, city, language, people, food…It’s all good, not perfect (like my spiritual director says) but good.

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Being around lots of churches came in handy as we prayed for Dan and his leg. Thought the color of the Madonna was appropriate seeing as he’s in Africa. Lit some candles for him–electronic candles. Interesting experience that. I’m sure God heard the prayers but putting money in and watching the electric lights come on seemed different than the flickering lights that we saw in so many places today.

Thomas’s birthday today so we stepped off the main Avenue into a little alley  to give him a birthday phone call. This is the mural/graffiti that we stood by while calling

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Ended the day going to the subway entrance to make sure we knew how to get to the train we’re taking to Madrid tomorrow – always better safe than sorry.

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