listenwiththeearofyourheart

The last part of this title is highlighted at the end of this blog and connects with the intensive the Growing in Wisdom folk did at the end of September, entitled Radical Discipleship – Preparing for the Autumn of Our Lives – a nice way to say getting ready to die. Before I go any further I wanted to acknowledge that last blog I wrote that I was going to blog more of the process of discerning to become a novice in the Order of Common Life. Sorry to disappoint but I’m not going to blog it. I have it written out if anyone wants to read it, or take me out for breakfast and hear it in person, but it seemed a bit much so no blog. However I am going to blog some of my reflection on the first week…of noviciate and spiritual exercises and some of Thomas Merton’s ideas about “soul” – a central part of who I am and what I think about.

One thing that stood out for me that week was that despite being a novice and doing the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises (ISE) … I’m still me, good, bad, ugly and beautiful. I’m doing this and my life goes on. Loving Linda and everything – Linda being the easiest to love. Listening – spiritual direction is ongoing and continues to be a blessing, mutual I hope. Laboring – I’m slowing getting back into stained glass creation … mostly buying glass and I’ve got some projects on the go, which feels good. 

It is interesting / providential that the main thing that stood out as I reviewed my first week of journalling from the ISE was the day I meditated, using Lectio Divina, on Isaiah 34:1 But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: repeated in vs.7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” These words spoke to me about the LORD creating AND forming me. There was something about creating and forming that resonates with me. I journaled “I was moved that I’m more than created…thrown together from star dust… I was formed and made. Special attention to details… a unique creation … formed seems more personal … like when I make a stained glass piece … each one takes time to form and put together, makes a special bond with creator and created that is unique … each piece / I am unique and I have a unique bond with Love who made me. ; Thanks for the effort you made in creating me, Love.”  … was part of my response in prayer or colloquy – as Ignatius calls it. 

Part of my weekly review was also recording a sense of excitement, almost giddiness that seems to be going on in my soul when I think about ISE. Not sure why, maybe Suhail’s big build up contributes and years of +ve reinforcement. Maybe my soul is happy anticipating connecting with love so intentionally for 32 weeks. Whatever the reasons, it was also good to be reminded that this is a process, by my logical side…the part of me that likes to be in control and is wise enough to let my heart and body have equal says, sometimes. I’d say the combination of the three enable my soul to express itself. 

I just read some of Merton’s thots on the soul in Loving and Living (Kindle version) “Speaking as a Christian existentialist, I mean by “soul” not simply the Aristotelian essential form but the mature personal identity, the creative fruit of an authentic and lucid search, the “self” that is found after other partial and exterior selves have been discarded as masks.This metaphor must not mislead: this inner identity is not “found” as an object, but is the very self that finds. It is lost when it forgets to find, when it does not know how to seek, or when it seeks itself as an object. (Such a search is futile and self-contradictory.) Hence the paradox that it finds best when it stops seeking: and the graduate level of learning is when one learns to sit still and be what one has become, which is what one does not know and does not need to know. In the language of Sufism, the end of the ascetic life is Rida, satisfaction. Debts are paid (and they were largely imaginary). One no longer seeks something else. One no longer seeks to be told by another who one is. One no longer demands reassurance. But there is the whole infinite depth of what is remaining to be revealed. And it is not revealed to those who seek it from others. Education in this sense means more than learning; and for such education, one is awarded no degree. One graduates by rising from the dead. Learning to be oneself means, therefore, learning to die in order to live. It means discovering in the ground of one’s being a “self” which is ultimate and indestructible, which not only survives the destruction of all other more superficial selves but finds its identity affirmed and clarified by their destruction. p.4”  (bold type by me)

Not exactly sure how to make the connection between these two experiences on my present pilgrimage but the spiritual exercises continue to call me to a deeper place in Love and dying to self is a good way to do that so I’ll go with that for now.

As usual comments or coffee is always welcome. Blessings to us all as we live into dying to self and being born in Love. The first Sunday of Advent is in 5 days so here we are.

For most folk fall has become a time for new beginnings…almost more than New Year. That is the case for the fall of 2022 for everyone in my immediate family. Our youngest son, Thomas started a new job as a high school Electronics Teacher. Zee, his new wife / partner, started a new job as a MD in a couple urgent cares here in Winnipeg. Linda, my partner / wife, will probably start a new job as a supervisor in HSC, Winnipeg’s largest hospital – after beginning her well earned retirement in spring ‘22. With 40 years of nursing experience she has much to offer and feels she wants to contribute due to nursing shortage…go Linda go. Recently we celebrated our first granddaughter, Adley-Jo’s, first birthday with her parents in Nova Scotia. Joel, our eldest son, begins the fall as a brand new PhD candidate and Kathleen – his wife / partner of almost 10 years – started work again, after a year of maternity leave. She also starts fall ‘22 as part owner of the counselling business she works for / with. Life is certainly rich and full for us all.

This is my first blog after my lengthy announcement in January re: the postulancy in the Order of Common Life (OCL – https://www.orderofthecommonlife.org). No doubt many of you are wondering why I haven’t blogged since…I wonder too.  A quick synopsis of those months is – the postulancy went well. I managed to get to the bi-weekly zoom meetings, watch the weekly information videos by Jared and even journaled most weeks … all that was expected of me, much better than last time. Seems when the postulate is ready the postulancy takes. There seems to be a deeper felt connection with the folk in our cohort than many of my other zoom encounters which was one of the subtle confirmations that OCL is a good place for me to be. My next blog will be more about the postulancy and subsequent decision for novitiate, if you’re interested, read on and comment, ask questions, etc.

SO – my new thing for fall of 2022 is – after careful consideration, prayer, meditation, reflection, conversations I have decided to start the fall of 2022 as a novitiate in OCL – actualizing a long time desire to be part of a religious order. I’m still years from becoming a vowed member but whatever the outcome it will be a wonderful time … joy in the journey. (thanks Michael Card. https://youtu.be/GfW61yKyirY ) This decision comes with some anxiety … Can I do it right? … and excitement as I open my heart, mind, soul, spirit, body to whatever Love (my latest naming for the Source of All) will do in my life.

Like any good religious order there are expectations for novices including doing a course of study and the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises – a 32 week spiritual experience / practice which I’ve been interested in for years. I’m going to do the exercises first and am blessed that my present spiritual director just finished training to accompany folk in the exercises. Our first weekly meeting is tomorrow. Thanks be to God…or Love as the case may be. This discernment process highlighted that my deepest soul / heart’s desire is to be open to the love that created the universe and a commitment to do whatever Love invites me to – and OCL seems to part of the invite – so here we go. One of the other expectations is to meet with a group of novices monthly and it’s great there are 3 other novices in Winnipeg. My pilgrimage continues, with new companions and Love only knows what awaits me round the bend…

Tursday 25nov21 .5* – Psalm 90; Isaiah 21:1-12 ; Matthew 10:34-11:1

Lectio – words that spoke to my heart: Psalm 90:1 Lord, you have been our refuge …; Isaiah 21:12 The sentinel says: ‘Morning comes, and also the night.; Matthew 10:34 ‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.

Meditatio – Personal application: Not sure – Jesus / sword?? Truth. Reality. Jesus doesn’t always bring peace…but a sword…killing, attacking, destroying, war, – can be used for defence, protection, proof texting… I need some more information about this these words…turning to internet – same prayer “speak LORD your friend is listening” – listening with ear of my heart. I found www.quora.com and found the comments more helpful than quora’s input. It’s more opinions, of course. Tim isn’t very kind, but has some good points. Joe Lawson’s comments: Now, about the “sword.” In English, swords are always giant knives used as weapons. In the ancient Aramaic language of the Jews, there were two kinds of big knives that could be translated as “swords” because of their appearance. One kind was the actual weapon-swords that were one to several feet long, and the Aramaic word for that kind is not the word used in this passage. The other Aramaic word translated “sword” is the one used in Matthew. It’s a big knife about a foot long that was used as a kitchen utensil for cutting up food. They used great big knives for the same reason most modern kitchens have “butcher knives;” to cut-up or “divide” larger portions for cooking and eating. So when Jesus said he did not come to bring peace (unity, one body) but like a kitchen knife to divide a family like portions of a bigger amount — everybody back then would have immediately understood him and not questioned whether it was a kitchen knife and not a weapon.

Tim O’Neill’s comments – What is clear is that both (Luke -parallel passage & Matthew) were working from very early Q source material in which Jesus is depicted as citing Micah 7:6 about division within families in the context of his own time. Given his apocalyptic Jewish beliefs, Jesus seems to be saying that in the approach to the coming apocalyptic cataclysm, people are going to have to choose sides and that this will cause divisions and discord. The “fire” (Luke 12: 49) and “sword” symbolism (Matthew 10:34), if original to Jesus, are both in this context and are clearly symbolic. To pluck “I did not come to bring peace, but a sword” out of this cultural, scriptural and textual context, assume Jesus simply said this and then think this means he was talking literally and talking about war is simplistic to the point of being totally stupid. No “saying” of Jesus can be simply assumed to have been actually said by him. And no “saying” can be analysed in isolation – its context in the text, the text’s context within the layers of transmission in the gospels and the meaning in the context of the Judaism of Jesus’ time and the developing theology of the various gospel writers all need to understood and inter-related.

Meditatio + – after including the above to my meditation I heard this personal application – whether symbolic language or kitchen knife used it seems to be about divisions … I hear Jesus was saying that to follow his teaching / way will cause problems / divisions even in families AND Lord you have been our refuge / there is morning and night … there is hope and healing in the midst of division. Maybe something new can come from / be “birthed” out of times of conflict … an early Advent meditation.

Oratio / Personal prayer – LORD thanks for being our refuge and bring light after / out of darkness. Thank you for being faithful, full of grace and truth…love and mercy. Help me to be faithful to the responsibilities I’ve been given, loving, listening, creating stained glass and leave the rest to you…and my brothers and sisters, other pilgrims on the road. May we all draw from the springs of living water, love and grace. May we love as we have been loved. Thanks for speaking and hearing my prayer. AMEN.

Contemplatio – took all this and my life into 20 minutes of Centering Prayer

* – I’ve started to include a number which reflects how I come to LD – It’s an acknowledgment that how I come affects how I listen. The Holy One is pretty consistent, I think, believe, hope…who am I to claim any truth about the Mystery whose Love sustains all reality. “Who are you God? Who am I?” was one of St. Francis’s all night prayers  which I often repeat as well. I don’t dare box the Holy One in AND I believe that the Creator of the Universe wants to speak to me each day. Blessed be the Name, the Name be praised. The good news is the Holy One speaks however I come. To generally reflect my present mental state I use a simple numbering method I learned from a friend years ago when I was worried if I was depressed: -1, 0, +1.  -1 for feeling down; 0 if feeling normal; +1 when feeling good. I’ve added .5 +/- cause I over think things. For someone like myself, who seems to be more melancholy than normal, it’s a good check in. I’m often surprised how much I’m more than 0…so maybe I’m not as melancholic as I think…I might even be enjoying life…if I have to I can, I guess. (Thanks Red Green) NOTE: If it’s -1 for a week or two…get thee to a M.D. for help – I’d even talk to a professional if it’s -1 every other day for a week or two. A mental health check-up can be as important as a physical one. Spiritual directors can do a spiritual health checkup. Got ya covered – whole person care.

Source: Musician: Alana Levandoski – The Heart of God, from album – Beyond I Make All Things New. https://youtu.be/NEh3fGj7zqI

Lectio: initial words / lyrics that spoke to me from this song:

The heart of God has been revealed, to bring love not hate, pour out not dominate; to forgive, not blame; make whole, not shame; Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah; the heart of God has been revealed.

Meditatio: after silence this is what I feel these words mean for me, personally and possibly others:

– bring love, pour out, forgive, make whole / saved – hallelujah. This is the good news Jesus revealed about God’s heart and the way to live, once I’ve experienced that forgiving, holy making love poured into my heart. I’ve discovered I need to take time to rest in the good news of being loved, forgiven, made whole, washed in the love…then… I can go and do what is I’ve been given to do, what’s in front of me in the moment or scheduled. Being then becomes Doing…maybe I’m Doing the resting and Being the actions – rooted and grounded in love. Either way works for me.

Oratio: my prayer

– LORD thanks for your unconditional love that forgives, saves, continually flows from your gracious, merciful, faithful heart…help me to rest in the love and also love as I have been loved. Forgive me when I hate, dominate, blame, shame. May I have your wisdom so I can lovingly direct – and when necessary, speak (thanks Francis). LIYM thanks for hearing my prayer and answering according to your loving will.

Contemplatio: 20 minutes of Centering Prayer

As I wrote in my 19oct21 blog – one can contemplatively read and listen to other writings, art, music, nature. I found this blog which has good advice how to “listen” to other ways Spirit speaks. https://tinyurl.com/u8dykjy8

This morning as I listened to what my heart was wanting to listen to – I was led to Alana’s music and this song in particular. May the words I’ve written and meditated on be pleasing to the One in whom I rest and restores my soul with new mercies each morning. AND if you’ve heard something from the song, or my meditation let me know. I’ve come to understand that sharing adds a dimension of reality to our thots and feelings and journalling … hence this blog. Blessings of Peace, Joy and Health

Psalm 132; 2 Chronicles 34: 1-18; John 15: 12-17 (from Aimer App, Lectionary by Church House Publishing)

Lectio: initial words that spoke to me from above passages:

Psalms 132:8 Arise, O Lord, into your resting place, you and the ark of your strength.

2 Chronicles 34:2 He did what was right in the sight of the Lord, and walked in the ways of his ancestor David; he did not turn aside to the right or to the left. (Josiah)

John 15:15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. 16You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. 17I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

Meditatio: after silence this is what I feel these words mean for me, personally and possibly others:

– speak LORD for your friend is listening (Jesus calls us friends, not servants…time to update Eli/ Samuel’s good response) … can I hope to be the Lord’s resting place – if I do what is right in the sight of the Lord … the Holy One can rest in our hearts, souls and minds … a safe place where the One is trusted and welcome. What a sacred privilege! Maybe Paul is pointing to that possibility in 1 Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, AND again in 2 Corinthians 6:16 For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will live in them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore come out from them, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean.”; Individuals and the community of faithful are temples of the living God … a resting place? I heard this morning an invitation to be the Lord’s resting place along with some advice for what I need to do to maintain that safe, resting place … an  invitation into a deeper intimacy … and life of separation from the things that distract us from being a resting place for the Lord and others. It’s another mystical paradox … be separate so I can be closer…to God, to myself, to others … maybe I can be a safe, resting place for all three.

Oratio: my prayer

– LORD help me to be a resting place for you… a place where you feel welcome just to be yourself with out any expectations or requests… a place to hang out and rest … a safe place, a welcoming place… help Linda and myself to create such a place at 834, using wisdom and love. LIYM grant my prayer… show me what needs to go from my life so I can be a place of rest for you & others and myself. Thanks for speaking to me and beingtogether today and always.

Contemplatio: 20 minutes of Centering Prayer

Traditionally these are the 4 “movements” / steps to Lectio Divina (Latin for divine reading): read, meditate, pray and contemplate. I like the Latin, seems to connect me with centuries of praying with scripture this way. One can use these steps to listen to / pray with other readings, art, music, nature…the Holy One speaks to our souls in many ways … listenwiththeearofyourheart … Blessings of Peace, Joy and Health.

sent from Stephen’s ipad

Thursday 19aug21
Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.
Proverbs 10:10 Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, but the one who rebukes boldly makes peace. WISDOM LOVINGLY DIRECTS
Mark 6:12So they went out and proclaimed that all should repent. 13They cast out many demons, and anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.
– there needs to be some engagement…numbering, applying, rebuking, proclaiming, casting and anointing, curing… my role is numbering mine and other’s days and applying wisdom…lovingly directing others to have courage to rebuke and cure… Holy One give me courage and grace to engage / live in this world using my vocation and gifts. Thanks for helping me be sensitive to the opportunities as they arise…including this blog.