This is an entry from my journaling this morning. I suppose it would be better with a graphic or song but if I don’t post now it won’t happen this year…
I woke up this morning pretty disorientated – “surreal” was the term that came to mind. I had another, “I don’t know what’s happening” feeling about this weekend and next week. Part of it was simply forgetting details, maybe this is what freaks people out when they lose their minds. I find it pretty easy to just let go and trust things will work out. Things come into focus, especially with the calendar helping but the relaxing into the day has much to do with my contemplative living.
Even so that sense of not being in touch with surroundings – like you’re floating – sometimes falling is initially a bit disconcerting. Maybe this is why doing things, making things (stained glass) is so important, meaningful somehow. I suspect this is how it is for others, for different reasons perhaps. Growing old I’m sure is something like this – slowly losing touch with familiar things, including body & mind. If you’re not connected to the ultimate reality somehow you would be losing everything and that would be like dying – or using Rohr’s definition of suffering – loss of control – at the least. So then your final years are constant suffering. And if the saints are correct and suffering is one of the main ways to learn of God then growing old could be a golden time after all – if one wants to get to know God, that is. If you are struggling against growing old and all it brings then you’ll be too busy to see any gold in the process. Sounds like how most folk live their “younger” lives – being busy with stuff. So being busy creating (first 1/2 of life) or maintaining (2nd 1/2 of life) can keep us from appreciating the Creator at all. I can’t imagine this as a way of life, ignoring the Source of Being. I experience it all the time but hopefully make attempts to become aware that the air I breath is as important for my soul as it is for my body. Sounds like a poem coming on. WordPress stripped the indents but the content is OK for now.
Breath of Life
I breathe involuntarily, most of the time
usually ignoring, paying no attention
to the complex mixture of chemicals
that float around me
sustaining this body, by muscle and blood
heart and lungs, red and white cells
doing their thing,
without me thinking about it, much
Is it the same for my soul?
Does Spirit – Ruach Elohim – sustain me involuntarily?
out of her nature, her love and creativity
How can I ignore that source of life?
Maybe the same way I take body and air for granted.
Glad when it all works
Distressed with things go wrong
Would my distress be less if I was aware of
Spirit sustaining me out of love and concern?
If I was aware, more of the time
that the Source of Life is
caring for me – soul and body
would I be less concerned about what’s happening
and coordinate my actions with that Source
could I trust that “all will be well” and live and move and rest
in the Peace that passes all understanding