There were many things I learned while part of OCL that will remain with me and feed my soul for the rest of my life. But before I ramble on, I wanted to mention something significant I learned / heard / rec’d during the spiritual direction session I mentioned in the last blog. It was almost a  ‘duh’ moment – with Love’s big smile – I heard, “you’re still not part of a religious order after 70 years? Maybe  that’s a hint that it’s not to be.” Okay … that made sense … I got the message that I don’t have a monastic vocation, whether ancient or 21st century. It’s a good awareness to rest in. It is slightly disappointing – cause I was going to try another order / community that combined the spirituality of Cistercians,

Benedictines and Franciscans in New York – Center for Spiritual Imagination – https://www.spiritualimagination.org/monasticism/  thanks to Paul Swanson, Senior Program Designer @ CAC and @ https://contemplify.com . Blessings on them all. That “word” I heard that morning, was also a gentle reminder that my soul needs community; companions for the journey. I’ve been given / graced with a great group of folk, Grain of Wheat Church-Community and I think it’s time to be more intentional, whatever that might look like, to rest, study, labor and pray with them for the foreseeable future. 

Those four things – rest, study, labor, prayer were the 4 rhythms of life that OCL uses in continuity with traditional monastic communities. They were helpful guides during my time in the monastery and will continue to help me keep track of important ways of being / doing on the journey.

I think it’s important to explain some of my discernment in joining OCL before I write any more about the gifts from the monastery. Which, by the way, wasn’t quite as profound as James Finley’s experience, but important to my faith development. Jim writes books – I recommend them all, especially his latest … I only write blogs. Anyway, it took me awhile to decide to enter the monastery primarily because I didn’t want to appear super-spiritual to others, especially my friends. I’ve come to realise over the years that I have a mostly unconscious inner need for the approval / esteem / affection of others. This has a greater impact on me than I’m usually aware of. That’s why the Welcoming Prayer and Centering Prayer are so important to my journey – keeping me grounded in Love rather than my ego’s need for Affection, Power & Control and Security – Keating’s false programs for happiness. My desire to follow Love’s way has become more powerful than my fear of people thinking I’m weird or super-spiritual. And it’s all grace. I wouldn’t even have that desire except for Love. I haven’t figured out why it’s stronger in some than others. When I figure that out I may have to write a book. Anyway … a couple years ago, following my #1 discernment question / prime directive, of the time – “will _____ (in this case, joining OCL) help me experience more of Love?” I decided to do something fairly radical to open myself more to Love – join a religious order. I expected the intentionality of monastic spirituality would give me a deeper experience of Love. As mentioned in the previous blog somehow that discernment question changed from primarily a head thing to more of a heart thing. The question now is – “does this _____ feel like a loving thing to do?”  Anyway acknowledging the fear of rejection of people is a gift the monastery gave me, before I even joined. I still sorta care what others think but not as much. Taking the radical step to join OCL freed me a bit from the shadow of that desire. Now a days, I feel if my decisions help me be more loving, I’m good.

Another gift from the monastery is the wonderful folk I’ve met while there during various stages of entering OCL – foundations of contemplation with Sister Dixie, OCL and friends (Nov-Dec’21), postulancy (Jan-Aug’22), and as a novice (Sep’22-May’24). An expectation of being a novice was to be part of a formation group. There were four novices in Winnipeg so we actually met in person. I noticed that I  bonded pretty deeply, in a relatively short time, with some of those folks … even over Zoom. That isn’t my usual experience with humans. I’m sure it spoke to where they were at as much as where I was. Maybe the desire to notice and nurture love opens one to more heart to heart stuff happening. I’m grateful to the monastery for introducing to me to those younger folk seeking to know and nurture Love in their lives, so intentionally. I’m left with a deep hope for America, this world, the church and myself. The Spirit of the Living God is active and present in the world, despite the news. Who knew. And I may even be able to connect with folk in this crazy world; which seems to separate us from nature and each other rather than connect us – the blessing and curse of technology. I’m starting to preach, not my vocation, so back to the monastery…

Another expectation of novices was to was to do the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, something I’d thot about for years, but never had enough motivation – now I did. I spent 32 weeks going  through the prayer meditations laid out in Kevin O’Brien’s, Ignatian Adventure – every day for an hour, including imaginative prayer, journalling, and meeting weekly with my spiritual director. I’m glad I did it even though I didn’t experience anything too profound or life changing – yet. One thing I learned / experienced was a new understanding and appreciation of Jesus, a gift I’ll carry the rest of my life. If you want to know more I’m always open for chatting over breakfast or a beer. I did appreciate the exercises so much I spent another 9 months and a wack of cash learning how to accompany folks wanting that prayer experience – with Brother Brian Hohmeier, OCL as a teacher https://www.orderofthecommonlife.org/ase . I grateful for the training which I believe is helping me be a better spiritual director / companion. Another gift of the monastery. 

I’m sure there are other ways the monastery helped me notice and nurture Love in my life but I’ll leave it here for now. As I did my final edit I realized that one of the reasons I wanted to add this blog to the record of my separating from the order, was my need for affection and in a more positive light … my sensitivity to others feelings – and a tendency to over think things and … I could probably find more reasons if I thought about it more. I want to leave on as positive a note as possible while being open about my reasons I outlined in my 2may24 blog, in that weird third person way. Thanks again for reading – as usual comments and questions are welcome. Blessings on us all as we find ways and companions to help our souls, minds and bodies notice and nurture the presence of Love in all we say and do. Here’s to joy in the journey.