There is a guy who’s pretty sure he’s been aware of a God all his life. He grew up in a pastor’s home but didn’t like all the rules that came with the God stuff he was hearing in Sunday School and summer camps. He decided not to follow his parents religious path and struck out on his own for 3 years or so and then with support of his sister’s friends, he decided it was only fair to try Christianity for three years, after all he knew the rules. A few months into this experiment he had the profound spiritual experience of being aware that Jesus was a real person and he needed to take Jesus and the Jesus way seriously as he journeyed the road of life. He decided to learn more about Jesus and the Bible and started down the road of Bible College study for a few years. During that time he learned that God is love and that he was primarily created to receive that Love and then worship, serve and do stuff for God. “Whatever helps me to experience Love” became his guiding principle on his life journey / spiritual pilgrimage.

Being open to experiencing Love included looking for a life companion, whom he met, married and had children with and now grandparents with. Seeking to experience Love led him to an intentional Christian community to journey with. Along the way he learned about and practiced a contemplative spiritual life at a monastery close to his home. There he trained to be a spiritual companion / spiritual director which gave him opportunities to exercise his primary gift / vocation of listening so others have an experience of Love.

After retiring from active employment he found a monastery / religious order which helped people notice and nurture the love of God. He joined the religious order as a novice and sorta moved into a virtual monastery. There he experienced good teaching and meaningful relationships with many other novices moving into the monastery. It was a wonderful place to study, pray, rest and labor together. Everyone was welcome to follow the 12 commitments / the rule. Then one of the commitments was changed, for clarity. They were informed that the order’s understanding of the Consecration of Love in Celibacy and Marriage was only for partners of opposite biological sex. The monastery was a safe place for celibate single folk, including those with same-sex attraction, but closed to gay folk invited to a life-long consecrated relationship. Outside the monastery there was no issue with “married” gay folk but in the monastery, they weren’t allowed. This caused a deep tension in this pilgrim and he spent many hours in conversation with Love and others – in the monastery and outside. He was aware that a monastery needs to have walls to keep the roof on and doors to keep stuff (good and bad) out & in – safety. However he wasn’t totally comfortable in a place that was so exclusive. And yet he knew he had be guided there by Love so what the heck was he to do.

A year or so previous to this change in the order, our pilgrim had experienced a profound shift in his “prime directive” / discernment question – what will help me experience Love more? He no longer felt the need to ask that question because he now felt so in love with Love that all he needed to ask was – what is the loving thing to do… for Love, for himself, for others, for the world.

Part of the expectation of novices in the monastery was to get together each month and talk about one of the commitments. A discussion with his small group about the commitment to Consecration of Love in Celibacy and Marriage was spent celebrating how much a gift from Love a marriage partner was. This discussion emphasized a way Love loves many folk, in or out of a monastery. In his next conversation with his spiritual director he was asked, “what does God want you to do?”… and as he opened his mind, heart and soul to whatever the loving thing to do was … in that sacred moment he came to see that for him the loving thing to do was to stay open to love and not close any doors to anyone. That meant leaving the monastery, separating himself from the order. So with a sad and contented heart he left the monastery and is now a more mobile spiritual pilgrim again. He knows he need companions for the pilgrimage and is committed to spending more time with his present faith community. He feels a peaceful invitational energy in his soul that, despite the lack of certainty, there’s much love to live, so on he goes.

As usual questions or comments are welcome. Blessings on your pilgrimage, where ever you are and whom ever you’re with.